The Human Garden: Guest post by @thebusbandit

On Wednesday, October 13th, I logged onto Twitter in the early morning like on do on most weekdays. Unlike most days when I randomly tweet from #OnBusStop or #OnTheBus, something possessed me to do…..

….The UNTHINKABLE!
……….The UNIMAGINABLE!

On this fine Fall morning, I decided to simply reply with very NICE greetings and well wishes to those I follow. And their shocked replies ranged from…

@TeecycleTim

@TheBusBandit That is so incredibly nice of you to say, I actually got a warm tingly feeling. #notaeuphamism Have an awesome day, my friend!

 

 

 

@B3ckyJ

@TheBusBandit Thanks Marshmallow Man. I hope you have a great day at work as well, see lots of DONK & have interesting bus adventures!

 

…..TO…..

@Tkdfool

@TheBusBandit are you sick? And if so you should trade me ray rice (fantasy football)

 

 

@uLuvLisette

@TheBusBandit either someone hacked into ur account or you are grooming me like a serial killer. let me know which one it is.

 

 

I know the first question on most people’s minds was, “What in the hell got into this Asshole?”, so please allow me to answer.

Outside of a needed 8 hours of sleep, I had been consumed by negative energy for the past 18+ hours and I wanted to vent it. Usually people vent negative energy through some type of physical activity or unknowingly take it out on others. I’m too lazy to engage in a non-sexual physical activity at 7am. And taking out my anger and frustrations on others haven’t worked in years though I still continue to do it at times out of bad habit. I’m not some God-fearing, liberal hippie that’s really into the whole “positive energy” movement, even though I believe many of its principles to be true. But since I am big on trying new things, I decided to deal with my negative energy by forcefully sending our positive energy and vibes hoping that I’d receive some in return. And by 5:00pm at the end of the workday, I sure did feel a whole lot  better.

DOING GOOD TO FEEL GOOD…..WORKS.

What I had done has been widely documented, discussed, debated and taught the world over. But to me, it was only a remedy for a symptom of my issue, and NOT a cure for the disease. Based on the fact that some people thought it was odd that I’d be extremely nice confirmed that many of us may unknowingly contribute to the spread of the disease. Even though I’m a self-described Asshole, for some reason, many people tend to like dealing with me for some odd reason. Outside of the fact that most people are naturally crazy (my favorite excuse to justify reality), I have noticed there are some things I consciously do that many others do not. What is The Secret (don’t sue me for copyright infringement!) to my relative success?

THE HUMAN GARDEN THEORY!

What is The Human Garden Theory? Simple: I take the same approach with people that I would take with a garden. The reality is that too many people treat their homes, cars, clothes, pets, and plants better than they treat themselves and others unless either is dying or in harm’s way. I never realized how I was FAILING at many of my friendships and relationships until I was slapped upside the head a few years ago.

***Insert Motivational Speaker Moment of Revelation Story Here***

I once had a long distance thing going on with a female from Houston. We had really been into one another for a few years and could have conversations for hours about any and everything. I was really digging her and felt like she was really digging me. So one day, she found out some troubling news about her little brother and tried to confide in me. After about 20 minutes of IM-ing back and forth, she finally told me, “Thanks for the chat, but I’m about to go now. I need to go get some real love.” And signed-off.

WOW! I was blown away! I couldn’t fathom that someone I had known for so long, and believed I connected with so well, didn’t feel like I was up to the task of being there for her in her moment of need. She didn’t feel like what I was offering her in that moment was REAL. Feelings aside, my ridiculous ego back then told me I was this phenomenal Ladies Man who was a one-stop-shop for ALL women for ALL of their needs. Being a source of comfort and security for her troubles should have been a walk in the park…but…it wasn’t. I could’ve easily dismissed the issue as her being moody and ungrateful. But I’m a BLAME ME FIRST type of guy so I had to discover what my role was in the matter. After recognizing I was primarily at fault, I renewed my focus on improving myself as a Person so I would never again fall short of truly being there for anyone I sincerely cared about.

To overcome that terrible habit of “Not Giving A Fuck About Anyone But Myself Until The Last Minute,” I developed a Farmville-esque system to ensure that everyone I cared about always knew the brand of person I am. I wanted everyone to know that: “I care. I’m here for you. I give a damn. Use me when you need me and how you need me. But don’t abuse what you use.” To become this good person…To become this great friend…

I had to learn how to become a Great Gardener!

I’m not Martha Stewart or Pablo Escobar so I don’t know the correct process to grow actual daisies or cocaine. I can only share with you MY best practices to grow healthy connections with PEOPLE.

ENVIRONMENT

To me, identifying the environment (psychology) of a person is the most important step. Like a building without a strong foundation, or business without a strong plan, you can’t sustain a relationship with a person if you don’t know or understand their base. Do many roses bloom in the desert? Do many cactuses grow in the snow? If you love roses but don’t like heat, why would you move to Nevada if you had a choice? If you love cactuses but don’t like the cold, why would you move to Wisconsin if you had a choice?

Now think about it. How many times have you, or how many people do you know, entered unsustainable relationships, friendships and partnerships because you/they didn’t factor the environment of a person before they decided to settle with them? True, unless you had a chance to do your homework in advance, most of our opportunities to meet new people is like moving to a new location in the middle of the night. We truly won’t know where we are and what’s around us until daylight arrives. But for many of us, myself included, even after daylight arrives and we look around and see snow or sand, we may fall in love with the “potential” of an area. We hope that we’re in a seasonal location with the new person. We hope if we stick around for 6 months or more, that the rain season will return and transform the sandy desert into a grassy plain. We hope if we stick around for 6 months or more, that the summer season will return and melt the 20 foot snow drifts to reveal a tropical paradise. Sometimes we’re right, the person we meet is seasonal and they’re either grassy or tropical 9 months out of the year and we can tolerate the 3 months they’re not.

But many times we’re wrong.

Against the better judgement of our family, friends, and common sense, every 6 months we’ll wait another 6 months for the rain or sunshine to arrive. Here and there, the temperature of a person may rise or fall to give us hope that the new season is getting closer. But guess what? We use these one or two days to justify waiting another 6 to 12 months. So for 6 to 12 months at a time, we purposely waste our time, energy, emotion, money, and effort to make ourselves comfortable in the uncomfortable environments of others HOPING for change. 6 months may become 1 year, and 1 year may become 3 years, and 3 years may become 1 decade or more. We hold out hope that we’re just in the dry season of the Serengeti, but the reality is that we have settled in the indefinite desert of the Sahara. We hold out hope there we’re in the cold season of Milwaukee, but the reality is that we have settled in the indefinite winter of Antarctica.  Even when we come to realize this fact, some of us cling to the hope that another great flood can come from God to bloom this person, or that global warming is real to thaw this person. But even if these occurrences are true, it’s more likely neither may occur in our lifetime. It’s a cycle of insanity that we all should avoid but few of us do in time.

How do you determine a person’s environment? Ask. Listen. Observe. Learn.

PLANT SEEDS

Now that you’ve found your ideal environment in a person…LET’S GET DIRTY! I assume most people are not like me (read: Willing to PUT OUT on the first date!) so you’re going to have to invest some time into nurturing and growing your relationships, friendships and partnerships. The fact is if you acquire a plot of land and let it sit, chances are you won’t get full value out of it if it’s not maintained. Depending on what you’re trying to grow with someone – Friendship, Relationship, Partnership (Business), Associate, Enemy, ‘It’s Complicated’, Bed Buddy, etc – determines what type of seeds you will plant with them.

Roses, for the most part, are widely regarded as a valuable flower. One would assume that one who can afford rose seeds should always plant and grow roses with everyone they meet. That would make a person look like Mother Theresa or Gandhi right? Once again, knowing the environment of a person is critical prior to developing expectations and planting seeds. A rose seed to one person may mean something ENTIRELY different to another. Planting a rose seed with a single person may make them smile. Planting a rose seed with a married person may make them frown. Planting a rose seed with someone of the same sex may get you an invitation to the local gay pride parade. Planting a rose seed with a a nutty person may get you a stalker. Planting a rose seed with a child may get you a surprise meeting with Chris Hansen on the next episode of “To Catch A Predator.”

If your understanding and expectations aren’t properly aligned with that of the other person, you may actually cause harm by trying to be a good Gardener. But the reverse is also true. A single person may think that you’re hitting on them and create distance from you. A married person may appreciate the rose seed because the roses in their marriage may be few and far between. The person of the same sex may just think you’re the gay one. The nutty person is just nutty so their perception of reality is always distorted. And the child may believe the rose seed symbolizes how special they are and boost their self-esteem and confidence. It’s all about knowing and understanding the environment of the other person to best gauge how they’ll react and respond.

And what do I consider to be plant seeds in my process? I define it as any and everything you say and do within the first 100 days of meeting a person. Essentially, it’s what you do and say that makes and leaves an impression about you with the other person. Whether we acknowledge it or not, there is an introduction and orientation period that all people go through upon meeting whether personally or professionally. Few people are 100% themselves on first contact, and the totality of a person cannot be realized and understood within a few meetings and conversations. Depending on the closeness of the connection you are forming, you should be able to determine the environment of a person within 100 days unless they’re intentionally trying to deceive you

Now don’t take this to be a set rule or guideline, and I’m only applying it to those who will be CLOSE to you. And keep in mind, these days may flow back and forth as your connection evolves. The first 100 days may dictate that a Man and Woman will simply be Friends. But if they end up in a Relationship down the line, you can always discover redefining moments and events the 100 days previous to their first kiss or the first time they make love. We are always making and leaving a positive, negative or neutral seeds (impression) with everyone we know when we make contact with them. It’s critical to keep this this fact in mind. If you’re not aware of the environment, what you believe to be rose seeds may grow into weeds due to the soil type and temperature. Yeah, it’s a plant, but it wasn’t the one you expected and it’s not one many people would want.

How do you determine exactly the type of seeds a person will enjoy? Ask. Listen. Observe. Learn.

WATER YOUR GARDEN

This is probably the area where most of us are weak and ultimately fail in our connections with others. This is where I failed my female friend from Houston. If you’re like how I was, I did everything right when it came to attracting her to me. I did everything right in offering myself to her. I did everything right in the introduction and orientation phase. But like many businesses and people, I failed to be as good or even better when it came to RETAINING her. So in the moment of truth, when our garden was put to the test, she bailed on me because I though the job was done after the seeds were planted. The seeds went without adequate food, water and sunlight for long periods of time until most of them withered and died. Enough of the daisies survived so we were able to sustain a friendship afterwards, but the roses were dead…..

…..and so was the opportunity of us pursuing a REAL love.

The mistake I made is that I focused on quantity vs. quality. I trapped myself into believing that anything I say or do with someone is quality time. I was saying a lot of things, but little of true substance and impact. I was doing a lot of things, but little of true substance and impact. I trapped myself into believing that just because I felt satisfied with everything, that she naturally felt the same way if she hadn’t complained. I was trying to plant roses because that’s a quality flower, but I didn’t factor that her favorite color is blue so I should plant flowers of that shade. I didn’t factor that paying someone to plant the seeds wasn’t as special to her as me doing it myself. I didn’t factor that just because a ton of roses may cost more, they didn’t offer the same type of shade from the hot sun, and same type of protection from the rain as a large tree.

I was doing a lot (quantity) to get her, but I wasn’t doing enough (quality) to keep her.

Are you making this same mistake in your relationships, friendships and partnerships? How would you even know if you don’t: Ask. Listen. Observe. Learn. (?)

BLOSSOM

Since that time, I’ve been in and out (and sometimes back in) the gardens of many other people. I’m constantly getting better at being a Gardener and in sustaining my Gardens…..but I’m no where near the best at it yet.

But how do I know I’m at least getting better?

A couple of years ago, I was hanging out with another female acquaintance from the Milwaukee area. I thought she was an incredibly attractive woman and I’d honestly question why she often enjoyed my company. So one day, I came out and asked, “You’re a very beautiful woman. Let’s be real, I’m not the richest guy…I’m not the hottest guy…and I’m a nerd at heart…so why do you waste your time with me?”

All she replied was…..“Because you make me Smile.”

That’s when I first started to realize that I was finally starting to get it. That like a lot of men, I used to try to impress women with money, cars, clothes and charm. Before my Human Garden Theory, I guess I assumed we were all Peacocks and those with the biggest and brightest feathers won the best mates. My best assets weren’t what I earned, bought, or fronted. My best assets were my inherent qualities as a gardener which allowed me to plant seeds to make people think, laugh, and smile.

I now believe that many people over-think and over-analyze friendships, relationships and partnerships. Many speak of these bonds as if they’re inherently flawed and preach that the mere application of these terms can make good connections between people go bad. I no longer believe in bad connections, but good people being bad gardeners, and bad gardens exhausting good people. If we all take the time to know and understand the environment of a person before we commit to their garden, then we would know how to best move forward with them, or when it’s best to walk away.

Friendships are simple. Relationships are simple. Partnerships are simple. It’s the people involved who make them hard. If you truly know and understand what makes a person happy, and if you make it your goal to make them happy, then you should naturally do less of what makes them sad. Being a good gardener with that person should RARELY make you feel tired, frustrated, upset, angry, uncomfortable or inconvenienced. Bringing happiness to the life of another person shouldn’t feel like work…like a duty…like a responsibility…or like a task. It should feel like a HAPPY way of Life because the selfish part in all of us LOVE doing what makes us Happy. Don’t be a Gardener for anyone who doesn’t genuinely make you happy in your heart, mind and soul the vast majority of time. And don’t welcome poor Gardeners into your Life or be afraid to fire them when they demonstrate they can’t meet your expectations

THE ROOT

The most important lesson is to get to know YOU before getting to know others because you may not even like what you THINK you love.

Let me repeat that for the slow people…

YOU may NOT even LIKE what you THINK you LOVE.

You may think you love tropical environments based on the happy pictures and stories of others, just to go there and find out you can’t tolerate the humidity and insects. You may think you love all flowers for their beauty, just to find out you’re allergic to pollen and can only handle certain types. You may think you love the most lavish gardens, just to find out you’ll go broke trying to afford the water bills and landscaping. You may think you’d love the best Gardner in town, just to find out they specialize in Lilies and you’re a Tulip.

Bottom line, how can you tend to the Gardens of others if you can’t/won’t tend to your own first? And how can you expect others to satisfy the needs of your Garden if you have no idea what your needs are? And how can you expect the best if you’re willing to settle for less?

The Root to Any and Every Garden is YOU.

This is how I came to find myself on Twitter that Wednesday morning sounding like a Happy Maniac. I felt like the special Garden I have with someone was starting to bloom bad seeds. In response, I watered the Gardens of many of those I follow hoping they’d return the favor. I spread care and appreciation to others hoping many of them would reciprocate to fill the holes present in my soil. And most of them delivered.

That was part of my process of: Asking…Listening…Observing…Learning…of MYSELF.

By no means am I professing to be some type of expert in this matter. The fact that I had to do what I did  demonstrates that what I share today with you is not perfect. Hell, I’m as shallow as the next guy so I could easily be distracted from my best Gardens by another Woman with a Big Booty and Pretty Smile. But the underlying principle of “You Reap What You Sow” is true. Whether you decide to use cars, animals or shoes in place of gardens, please use what is relevant to you that will allow you to give what you want to get out of your fellow humans.

GIVE. TO. RECEIVE.

Save the Date

Okay, grab your planner, and save Saturday September 4th, you’ll be glad you did.

Do you have a pencil? Wait. Make it a pen.

M’kay.

Write something like, “Wicked fun”, or “Hang out with Stacy”, or “Kick Chiari in the nards”.

Conquer Chiari Fundraiser (All proceeds go directly to the Conquer Chiari organization)

If you’re on the fense, read Sara Santiago’s incredible story: http://sarasantiago.com/2010/05/29/sara-v2-0-a-kickass-firmware-upgrade/

We’re still working out the details, but this is an event you’re not going to want to miss.

Hang out in the park, eat, drink and be merry with an insanely fun crowd for an incredibly under recognized cause.

All the cool kids will be there. This means we want YOU there, too!

This is a family friendly event, friends. Please… bring the kids, there will be plenty of fun stuff for them to do.

Fundraiser will include:

Free throw contest.

Brats, hot dogs and beer.

Face painting for kids.

Balloon launch.

Prize raffle.

And more.

Stay tuned for more details!   In the mean time check this out. You’ll be glad you did.

http://bit.ly/d3G45B

Check out the Conquer Chiari website: http://conquerchiari.org/index.htm

500 Days of Stacy

I’ve decided to embark on a 500 day journey of self discovery. Those 500 days will be a mix of serious and silliness. That’s me. That’s how I roll.

If you’d like to go on this road trip with me, throw some clean undies and some beer in a back pack and hop in.

This is where you’ll find me. This is where it all started.  http://stacyism.posterous.com/500-days-of-stacy

Crush

He sat next to me in history. I looked forward to history because I knew I’d get to sit by him.

When he was thinking,  he’d take the eraser end of his pencil and rub it against the back of his neck, pushing it up into his hairline.  Then when the answer came to him, he’d bring the pencil to the paper and write in the neatest hand writing I’d ever seen… for a boy.

He wasn’t like the other boys. He didn’t do stupid things to get attention. He was polite, and sweet…… and cute.

Toward the middle of the school year I got the courage to write  him a note. We passed the same narrow ruled piece of loose leaf paper back and forth through most of the class.  

It’s been a while since I opened my Precious Moments keepsake box, but this morning I decided to take a trip down memory lane. Underneath a hand made book mark that reads, “I *heart* Michael Jackson, was THE note. It reads:

Me: Why do you always look down or away when I talk to you?

Him:  I don’t know. Do I?

Me: Yup. You do. Why?

Him: I’m not very good at talking to girls. I don’t know.

Me: I won’t bite you.

Him: Hahaha. You’re funny. I do look at you when you talk. You have one eye that’s part brown.

Me: I notice everything about you.

Him: Really? Like what.

Me: You push your pencil into your hair in the back when you’re thinking. Your shoes are always clean. You have the neatest handwriting I’ve ever seen for a boy. You never doodle on the outside of your notebooks. I could go on and on.

Him: You twirl your hair all the time. I notice that. You’re the nicest girl I know.

That was the end of class. I folded the note and put it into my pocket. All day I was on cloud nine knowing he noticed me and that he thought I was the nicest girl he knew. I would keep THAT note  forever. It was the start of something.

That was the first of many notes between us that year. We got to know each other pretty well through our note passing in history class. My crush on him grew, but I never had the courage to tell him that I liked him as more than a friend.

Freshman year things changed. We didn’t have any classes together and I started dating a boy that was a Senior. Every time we saw each other in the halls we’d smile at each other, but we never really talked any more. We went our seperate ways.

More than 20 years later I’m holding that note in my hands. Looking at his perfect handwriting takes me back to 8th grade history class and the butterflies I felt sitting next to him. 

I wonder where he is now, and if he still pushes his pencil into the back of his hairline when he thinks.

When less is more

I have a good life. I live in a beautiful house, have a great career, a hard working husband  and beautiful children. What more could I ask for?

What I really wish for is LESS.

A smaller house, less stuff, less stress… more time with the people that really matter.

I was at a funeral once. It was packed with people sobbing.. remembering the life of the man who had died. I looked around and was disturbed by how many people were in the room who had been … well.. crappy friends. The room was filled with “friends” who had talked trash,  been judgmental, and flat out were jerks to the guy who lay there pulse less about to be buried under the cold earth. These people had no respect for him while he was alive.. yet there they were, showing respect for him when he was dead. Is there anything more fake than that?  I couldn’t help but think that it would have been one of those times when less is more.

Cars filled the parking lot and lined the road and I wonder how many of those people were true, loyal, loving friends. I wonder how many of those people really knew what was in his heart the days before he died. Did they care?  Did they gripe about having to take a day off for his funeral? Did any of them have the courage to say to his face what they had been saying for years behind his back?  Were they really friends at all? Did they know his hopes and dreams? Would they miss the sound of his laughter or his slightly crooked teeth when he smiled? I couldn’t help but wonder and be sad. It was fake. All of it was fake and sickening.

My hope is that I have less. Less stuff in my life.. because it’s just stuff. Less “friends”.. and more true love. Less stress and more laughter. Less fake and more real. Less work more play. Less hurt and more joy.

When I die. I don’t want cars to fill the parking lot and line the roads. I want the few people that I love and truly loved me back to celebrate my life.

In so many ways life really is all about less being more.

Related:

I already talked to my sister, Bridget, about being a bouncer at my funeral. Hopefully that’s not for a really long time, but if you’ve ever talked crap about me and don’t know that my nostrils flair when I laugh.. or that my right eye is a quarter brown…. your ass is getting bounced. She’s also going to make you walk through a fake-o-meter.. so if you’ve got some fakeness issues. Work it out now.  Sorry. It’s my funeral/party. I get to make the rules.

Oh yeah.. BYOB!

Sunshine

It was my 12th birthday. My grandmother gave me a date book. On the cover was a rainbow and the quote, “Those who bring sunshine into the lives of other can not keep it from themselves.”

My grandma always called me sunshine and said, “Even on a cloudy day there is sunshine all around you. “

For some reason that quote has always stuck with me. I always felt it was my responsibility to bring sunshine into the lives of others. It’s something I’m good at and I’ve been confident that if I am loving, kind and supportive to the people in my life.. good things will come to me, just for doing the right thing.

The problem is that when you focus your energy always on everyone else in your life… that’s what they come to expect. That’s what’s normal. You become lost.

I don’t regret caring. It’s who I am. But I do have to care about myself at least as much as I care about everyone else. It’s something I have to work on.

It’s hard to know what to do when you’ve spent your whole life taking care of everyone else around you.

I’ll always be glad that my grandmother gave me that book.. with that quote.. and I took it so literally… but now I’m grown and I realize that I have to allow the sunshine into my own life so I can share it with everyone else.

Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others can not keep it from themselves… just as long as they realize that they don’t have to sacrifice their own happiness for everyone around them.

My grandma was amazing. I miss her.

In Search of Trust

Will there ever be a person in my life that I trust with every fiber of my being?

I wonder if I’ll ever be able to pour out my heart and know that my words are safe.

I have been searching for trust… but it’s elusive to me.

I imagine how comforting it must be… how safe and warm.

Someday maybe.. I will be able to look into the eyes of someone I trust and let go of my fears.

Crazy Conversations

My teenage boys are jokers. If you follow my blog, you already know this. Having a serious conversation with then is next to impossible. There are times, it makes me want to rip my hair out.. but I have to admit that my boys are two of the funniest kids I have ever met. They make me laugh every single day. Yes.. sometimes it annoys me.. yes… sometimes I get pissed.. but mostly.. I just laugh with them.

(Sitting at the breakfast table with my oldest son, Derek, who is 17.)

Me: “What are your plans for the day, honey?”

Derek: “I was thinking it would be lovely to smoke some crack and knock up a hot chick.”

Me: “DEREK! LOL.. STOP THAT!.. BE SERIOUS FOR ONE SECOND!”

Derek: “Don’t worry, Mom. We’ll go on welfare and I’ll get a job at Taco Bell. Everything will be fine.”

Me: “LOL.. can we ever have a normal conversation that doesn’t involve smoking crack?”

Derek: “I know you worry about my education

but I’ll get a GED.. it’ll be fine, Mom. I want to make you proud. I really do!”

Me: “Tears rolling down my face! STOP IT! THAT’S NOT FUNNY.. OK.. It is funny.. but stop it.”

LATER THAT SAME DAY!

(Taking Drew to a football game.)

Me: “I need you boys to start thinking about what you might want for Christmas and give me some ideas.. ok?”

Drew: “Oh.. I already know what I want for Christmas!”

Me: (Looking at him curiously because he never knows what he wants for Christmas.)

Drew: “I want a case of PBR and a stripper”

Me: LOL “Perfect, I’ll toss a bag of weed and some Dorito’s in your stocking and we’ll call it a theme Christmas.”

Drew: “You’re the best Mom ever! I can’t wait to tell my teachers your getting me beer, naked chicks and pot for Christmas!”

Me: “DREW.. THAT’S NOT FUNNY!”

Drew: “Oh yes it is Mom..yes it is!”

Me: “Seriously.. if you say that at school … even jokingly.. a teacher might take it seriously and you could end up in a foster home.”

Drew: “Maybe they’ll have a hot daughter.”

Me: “You boys are going to be the death of me.”

Drew: “We keep trying.. you just won’t die.”

(LAUGHTER.. TEARS.. LAUGHTER.)

Drew: You know we love you, Mom… you’re just fun to pick on.

*sigh*

I love my boys!

Dear Bella

Dear Bella,

Today I am thinking of you. I think of you every day, but today you take my breath away.

I’m proud of you Bella. I’m so deeply proud of who you are.

Watching you go from a baby….. to a toddler…. to a beautiful, smart, loving little girl has been one of the greatest joys of my life.

Don’t ever try to be anything other than what you are, Bella. You are amazing.. just the way you are!

I watch you care for everyone around you.. including me… and I’m reminded how much influence I have in your life. You are the peacemaker, like I was… you’re nurturing, sensitive, driven, and determined.

You are loyal and loving.. you make us all soooooo happy.

You’re funny and charming. I love it when you call Daddy a “tooter-butt” Us girls do have to stick together against the boys in the house.

You’re focused… so focused. When I watch you zip through a complicated puzzle with ease…. I’m amazed.

You worry too much, though, Bella bean…. you can’t solve everyone’s problems.. trust me.. I’ve tried. You can’t fix everything.

All you can do is love the people that matter .. and always be true to who you are.

I’m watching you play with your sister right now… I’m so grateful you’re my girl.

My life is better with you in it…. I’m a better person because you’re my daughter…

Love you more than the sun and the moon and the stars in the sky,

Mommy

People in My Pocket

I was down.. in a funk… just feeling lonely and there you were.

I was in Madison, Wisconsin, USA  and you ……  Riyadh Saudi Arabia…. yet all I had to do was reach into my pocket to find solace.

You didn’t know I was sad that day, but your kindness warmed my heart.

I couldn’t sleep. I was worried about my sister… and there you were in Milwaukee, Wisconsin at 2:30 in the morning. All I had to do was reach on my nightstand and there you were.

You probably didn’t know I was worried, but talking to you was comfort for me.. it made me laugh… it helped me fall back to sleep.

I was scared, because I found a lump in my neck. I thought my cancer had returned…. and there you were… listening to me privately.. You were right there in my purse when I needed you.

These amazing people share knowledge, encourage, support, and add humor to every day.

I would have never imagined it possible that Twitter could connect me with people that would be a very real part of my life, but it has.

If you are one of the people in my pocket .. THANK YOU!

((Hugs)) and *Smooches* to all of you who read this who are connected to me through twitter. If you ever need me.. I’m only an @reply or DM away.

Oh, and thank you iphone for making it possible

and thank you Adam…. my wonderful husband…  for giving me said… hand me down… iphone.

and thanks to my agent.. lol.. just kidding.