Beer Under the Bed

Warning: Potentially offensive content

Beer? Under the bed?….Does he actually think I would never look? Jeez.. if you’re going to do stupid .. bone headed things.. at least be a little bit clever about it I was so much better at hiding the evidence when I was a teen I can joke about this all day long, but the truth is. I’M EFFING SCARED TO DEATH. My boys are smart, popular, so effing handsome,  and athletic… which means several things… they are into girls, they’re invited to parties, and there is a enormous potential for them to get into trouble. I kind of wish I would have had a couple of nerds to be honest with you. Seriously.  When they were little. I worried about ear infections and time outs. Now, I have to worry about everything from STD’s to drunk driving.  Beer under the bed means so much more than just beer under the bed. It means he’s trying to be a man. But he’s not  a man. He’s a boy. Why is he in such a rush?

I hear him talk.. about things… that I don’t want to overhear him talking about. I always knew that boys were horney creatures, but hearing my BABY talk about girls.. ummm… boobs. Not really what a mother wants to hear her son talk about with his friends. I’m starting to think that this age is all about boners and beer. Is that all they think about? Does the future mean anything to them, or are they too consumed with the NOW?   We’ve  had the talks about drinking, drugs, teen pregnancy and the FACT that I would throw myself off a bridge if he gets himself into THAT kind of trouble. (only half kidding) The truth is.. I have no control here. There’s a certain point as a parent that you just pray that they’ve heard you and they have the intelligence to make good choices. As much as I’d like to, I can’t bubble wrap him and lock him in his room. Believe me. I’ve tried that type of approach. Doesn’t work.  I worry, that he’s going to get caught up in love.. like I did.. and make mistakes that will …. simply put.. eff up the rest of his life. I made those mistakes. I recovered from them, but it DID limit me in what I could do with my life. I don’t want him to take that same path or settle for a life that limits him .. As I sit here typing this, his girlfriend just showed up at my house because she did something stupid … What stupid thing you ask? She got “wasted” last night. So, here is this beautiful 16 year old honor student at my house….. On my couch…hungover… with MY baby son…. and I’m thinking  A) I am going to have to talk to her mom about this. B) My son loves this girl, and I really don’t want him to. C) When do they start realizing how important their choices are? D) Are they having sex and is he using condoms? (I think the answer is yes… to both. E) What should I do now?

I wish I had kept them all anti-social and nerdy Would have made this phase of parenting so much easier.

P.S. He was grounded for the entire month of July for the beer under the bed. Some of them were still full.